He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
