i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
