Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
