I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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