If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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