I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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