I am in a vortex of obligation.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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