my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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