we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
