capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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