Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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