Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
