this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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