i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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