Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
