I will die if light touches me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
