just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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