I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
