yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
