Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
