What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
