Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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