nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
