My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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