I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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