i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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