She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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