I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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