So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
