He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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