Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
