There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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