I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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