I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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