his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
