Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
