at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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