Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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