NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
