I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
