just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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