goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
