We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
