also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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