the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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