as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
