Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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