From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
