Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
