Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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