CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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