So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die, sorry about rent.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
