She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
