How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
