Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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