Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
