My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
