In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
