i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
