Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
