i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
