I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
