the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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