it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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